should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
