soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
