if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
