she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
