I got her a Nickelback box set.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
