the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
