If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
