tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
