Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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