And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
