is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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