btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
