so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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