Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
