I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
