my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
