it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
