If i come over, it means nothing
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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