he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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