Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
