Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
