Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
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