Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
