you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
