Why are handjobs necessary in class?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
