I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
