can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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