i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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