We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
