Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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