In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
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