a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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