It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
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I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
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Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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