There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's never too late to be topless.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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