I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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