Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
