does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
