if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
