stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
