my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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