fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
