I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
