Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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