When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
