you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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