i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
