Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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