you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
