Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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