Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
