that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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