is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
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Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
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You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.