I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket