JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
