Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.