she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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