she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.