Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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