We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.