so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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