just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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