I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
