Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
