I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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