so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
