im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
