it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
they're like a gay fantastic four
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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