i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
