toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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