Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
