I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
