i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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