Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
