pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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