The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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