Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
