I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
