i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
They have beer where we have blood.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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