You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
