I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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