Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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