um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
